Saturday, September 8, 2012

Get it together

I have had quite a few ups and downs lately. Just when I think I'm on level ground something trips me up. Yesterday was my last day at a job I have been at for 2 years. The stress that I was enduring there was enough to drive me mad. On Monday I start a new job. It's actually the same exact job I've been doing just in a different place and I'm excited about that new start.
A few years ago I wrote a blog called "sunsets" it's funny how God plays out my life. I am once again writing this from a house that is not my own, but has facilitated my greatest joy as well as my greatest heart break. I know God knows what He is doing and it is because of that peace in my heart that I can sit on this couch and type this with absolutely no regrets.
It is human nature to expect reciprocation. Whether you get it or not you still expect it. It's what I would do. I'm a reciprocator. Very few people in my life are. I'm just so used to doing I don't even consider getting. I never want to lose that part of myself. I never want to become selfish or ungrateful. When I see that characteristic in others I just want to scream. I am still here breathing and blinking only by the grace of God. No matter how many times I fall apart and no matter what the reason He always puts me back together with no expectation of reciprocation.
This is why He has my attention. God loves this silly, crazy, unbalanced girl. I don't fall into a category and I am not like others. I am Ria. However you see me is your perogative. I am the best friend you'll ever have and you will never know if I am your enemy. No matter what I think i refuse to make people feel less than they are. Even if you don't deserve my smile you'll get it with or without reciprocation.

My heart is big but extremely fragile. I only take risks I know are worth shattering it to pieces. I always pray that it won't happen but life goes on whether you can get it together or not. God is always there holding my hand. He says "baby, I got you. I'm not leaving you alone. I will carry you and put you back together. I'm not letting go" My Jesus has said this many times over the last couple months. Sometimes I get consumed with my circumstances and forget. No matter how many times it happens I hear the same thing. He does not say "seriously!??!! Get it together" its the same peaceful phrase.

He's got this Ria and she is going to be just fine.

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