Every Wednesday my sisters come over for dinner and we get take out. We always pick from different spots, and usually I have them pick it up so I don't have to leave the house, it's a pretty good system. Tonight, for some reason, I decided I was going to have my sister going one direction and I would go in the other just to make it easier on us. I roll up to a Chinese restaurant that I have never physically been in. When I parked, there was a gackle of children with bikes right outside the door, an older woman, and the cheetah girl. They're all waiting outside and it looked like only two people were allowed in the restaurant at one time to pick up orders. I was just waiting in the car for the crowd to disperse a bit.
I'm watching the interaction of the boys with the bikes, it looks like they're all helping a friend pick up dinner for his mom, it was very sweet. The older lady shows up and she is waiting outside with Cheetah girl. While I'm watching the boys, a soldier pulls up next to me and goes into the restaurant. He walks in and it looks like he's placing his order, then he stands there. The old lady has some sort of interaction with the Cheetah girl and then she goes inside and starts to chat with the soldier. At this point the gackle of boys roll away. I walk up to the restaurant and go to pull on the door and the Cheetah girl, who is standing all by herself, snapped at me. "There's a line!" I flipped my head around and looked right at her.
1. Because her audacity gave me whiplash and
2. Because we were in a pretty shady area and she doesn't know me. So I kindly said "oh even for pick up?" Again, with the audacity of 12 Susan's, she said "yeah, that's why I'm standing here" I giggled a bit to cut the tension. Now I understand we all have bad days and sometimes you snap, I totally get it. I moved to the other side of the door and said "so I guess you've been here before?" I didn't ask her because I wanted to have a conversation, I asked her because there isn't one sign, inside or out, stating this. You'd only know this rule if you had been there before. She responds with "yeah, like this guy just cut in front of me and went inside to order and now he's just standing there, some people have no concern for others". She's referring to the soldier, who mind you, was in conversation with the older woman. I'm not sure it was his choice to "just stand there".
At this point, the older woman got her food, the soldier turns, holds the door open for her, and follows her out. As soon as he came out Cheetah girl ran inside. I don't say a word because I am just watching to make sure the restaurant worker makes it through the interaction. Cheetah girl comes out and I walk in and grab my stuff. I come out the door to the soldier who's patiently waiting outside for his dinner and I turn to him and I say "thank you for your service". I could see that he was smiling under his mask and he said "thank you". As I'm walking back to the car, I become completely overwhelmed and just start crying. You know this girl doesn't cry. I could not pull myself together. I came home, dropped the food off in the kitchen, slipped into the office, sat down and just started sobbing.
The news over the past year has been a lot. But the news in just the last couple of days has been devastating. I made an effort not to watch the video of the soldier that was pulled over a couple days ago but, of course, I came across it and was absolutely heartbroken to see what transpired.
Racial fury aside, this man at the restaurant was a soldier. It was the "no concern for others" line that got me. I have grown up in a military town. I have seen firsthand what military families go through. I have watched how military families can be torn apart. I have watched how those who serve our country sacrifice so much of their lives, and for some, their mental health. I have watched those who have come out of the military become lost in a routine that they're not used to. I've watched veterans beg the VA to help them and instead get 35 different prescriptions that no human should be taking together. I've watched lives fall apart from deployment. I've seen the devastation of a soldier taking their own life. But, I have also watched them fight to save their families. I've watched them fight to create a new normal. I've watched them succeed. It's extremely humbling to witness. It's because of this that I do what I can to support veterans. Whether it's making cookies for a friend who is struggling with the aftermath of military retirement or it's hiring a Veteran mobile dog groomer to come wash my pups. I know their path is marked with scars. So if they want to cut in line, for the love of socks, I'm letting it happen.
I don't need to tell you that the soldier I ran into this evening happened to be Asian and he just wanted to have a Chinese dinner from a great hole in the wall restaurant in a shady part of town. So why am I bringing race into this at all? This afternoon I was speaking with my mom about Caron Nazario, the soldier that was pulled over in Virginia because the police couldn't see his tags. I told her that I probably wouldn't get pulled over if you couldn't see my tags. I probably wouldn't get pulled over if my tags were expired. If I did get pulled over, I know full well I would get a ticket and arrive at my destination alive and well. We did an ancestry DNA test a while back and found out that most of our family's ancestry goes back to Sicily. There is very little of us that could be considered "white". But, when I fill out forms I have to check that box because they don't care that I'm Sicilian. Now obviously the color of my skin provides the advantage to get pulled over, get my ticket, and go home. I told my mother that it makes me sick that I get to ride the coattails of white privilege. I can't change that, but I know in my heart I do not feel like I am better than anybody and, unless you're just absolute trash, I'm not.
So again, why in this time of turmoil do I even bother bringing up race? My goal here is not to cause dissention. I promise you I'm making a point. When I was walking back to the car and started crying, I got very frustrated. Mostly because I don't cry and when I do it makes me angry. When I couldn't pull myself together back at the house I was trying to figure out what it was that made me so upset. I mean, what did she say that was so bad? Is it really that big of a deal? Was I making something out of nothing? So I started to dissect, was it just a culmination of all the trauma that's going on that I'm seeing every day? Maybe. Did I forget to take my crazy pill this morning? No. I realized I was so upset because this girl felt completely comfortable speaking to me like that about somebody else. I was watching her interact with the older lady, she didn't say a word, that older lady was trying to talk to her and she wasn't having it. She didn't say a word to the latino boys who kept going in and out of the restaurant. She didn't even say anything to the soldier who made her so angry. She did, in fact, say something to me. Something about me made her comfortable enough to not only snap, but let me know how she was slighted.
I took offense at the fact that he was a soldier and she had absolutely no respect for him. She had no idea what he's been through. She was hungry, she was probably tired, she probably had a horrible day, maybe she has a horrible life, I don't know. What she didn't see, is this man who may have also had a horrible day was inside speaking to this older woman who may not have spoken to another human all week. Maybe this lady is all alone and this 3 minute interaction made her entire day. I do know that I am frustrated with the fact that there is so much hate on display everywhere you look. There's very few Facebook posts where there isn't a dissenting opinion which brings out the worst in others. You can't watch the news without seeing hate from one side of the country to the other. I think I'm mostly bothered by the fact that all of this turmoil isn't changing anybody's actions. We see this day in and day out and I just think "aren't you tired?" and then you run into the girl at the Chinese place who is furious.
I just don't understand what it would take for people to be kind. I don't know why it's so difficult. I don't want to be an ally for hate. I don't want someone to look at me and be like "oh yeah, she gets it, she's on my side" I'll be your biggest cheerleader but if you only want to be ugly and hateful, you're on your own.
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